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penfairy:

one thing me n my art loving gf would do is visit galleries and play a game called “root, loot or boot” 

the gist is that you would look at a group of paintings in a room and decide which figure in the painting you’d root (fuck, in Australian slang), which painting you’d loot (steal and put on your wall at home) and which painting you’d boot (punt into the garbage because it’s shit and Not Art)

a couple of things about my experiences:

1. this game is a lot more fun if you’re attracted to women because there’s so many Hot Gals to choose from 

2. if you are attracted to men, you will spend a lot of time going “well, looks like I’ll have to pick jesus again” as my bi gf did

3. it gets more complicated in modern art museums and you find yourself having saying, “I’d fuck the rhombus” “you CAN’T fuck the rhombus” “then I’ll fuck that blue squiggle thing. what’s it called?” “creeping existential dread in blue” “then does that mean I’m fucking the squiggle or am I getting fucked by the existential dread it represents?” “aren’t we all already getting fucked by existential dread?”

4. if you play this with an art history nerd, they may decide to kill you over one of your “boot” choices

5. you will get Disapproving Looks from other patrons who overhear your heated debates

6. it’s also the best fun you’ll ever have in an art gallery

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Schweinderl